my name is tiffany. i am sixteen years old. i have seen at least 5 different
psychologists in my life, all to no avail. i suffered severe depression for three
years, from the time i was eleven until i was fourteen, until i was admitted into a
mental hospital for one week to treat me for being suicidal. since, i have been a
pretty optimistic person. but for some reaon my problems always change. i can never
completely open up to anyone, reason being i have never understood myself and why i
do things. so i'm hoping that with this letter, you can in some small way at least
help give me insight into why i do what i do presently. the aforementioned "things"
refers to my sexuality. i lost my virginity at 13 (which isn't uncommon anymore
obviously) but the way that it happened was weird. most girls hold morals to where
they don't lose it until they're in love with someone. i however, did not love the
guy, and i wasn't pressured into it. it was, in most part, my
idea. since losing my virginity i have had sex with twenty people. twenty. it's
horrible. i don't understand why i can't say no to people when they want to, and
why i think about it all of the time. i would just take it as a case of me just
exploring the sexual world, but really that isn't the case because all of my
friends have only slept with three or four people tops. i hate being known as the
whore all of the time, but i don't know how to control what i have going on. i try
to tell mself that there is something wrong with me mentally, thus giving me a
substantial reason for why i am the way that i am. which is why i am writing this
letter. in hopes that a professional can help support that topic. maybe i should
just stop trying to make excuses and just teach myself how to say no. i just don't
know what to do anymore. i know this letter is extremely long, and i really
appreciate you taking the time out to read this. i wonder if i do what i do at
fault of some crazed need for attention. like, i always date people over and over
and over again, and i'm never single for long, even if that means me getting into a
relationship that is with someone that i really do not care all of that much for.
and all of these relationships always end with me leaving the person. so even if i
am thirsty for attention, why would i leave the people who care the most about me?
please give me a few words of insight. they will be greatly appreciated.
respectfully,
tiffany.